Contract

Why has it been a week since i've written??
perhaps it's because i'm trying to get out of my head...and i can't

The bail hearing is next week and the chances are good that Fred will be coming home with me...
but...
that's when the work starts
that's when reality will set in

right now it's all still in my head.
and i'm drowning
trying to stay a float as i gasp for breath
waves crash into my consciousness

I have talked to so many people
listened to so many people
heard so many people
but now is the time when the decisions need to start

They say love heals everything - who exactly is they?
So why should i with hold love?
should i?

For my own sanity there has to be an ultimatum
'lie, cheat, steal' again and you Fred have chosen to walk away
in taking these actions you have chosen to end our relationship
it would not be i, making the decision... it would be you.
and in choosing to lie, cheat or steal you would be breaking the bond that binds us, breaking the strings of my heart that connect me to you.
I love you Fred, but in choosing to lie, cheat or steal you will be choosing to live your life without me.

This is not about getting caught. This has nothing to do with me or anyone catching you. It has only to do with you. If you lie...the moment it comes off of your lips you may as well say goodbye. If you lie, you chose to be alone. When you lie it's not about us, it's about you. When you choose you over us... you've made your choice. If you cheat...the moment you chose to touch another woman, you have chosen to never touch me again. If you steal...you have stolen the last breath out of our partnership. If you partake in any of these actions...you will be turning your back on us. And you will have chosen to dissolve our partnership.

Why start with lying? that's where it starts. It is the catalyst that allows the explosion to happen.
it is the beging to the end